Facing my Challenges

As I write this, it is trying to rain outside, it's cloudy and kind of dreary, but we need the moisture. I try to look for the positive every day.

Three years ago today, I was diagnosed with Stage 3C Ovarian cancer. It rocked my world and changed my life. I was suddenly thrust into a world huge words, needles, scars, anxiety and tears. I faced my battle with courage. I cried during the bad moments, but kept them just moments. I looked for the positive.

I had wavy black hair with a small hint of gray. Carboplatin and Taxol took it from me along with my eyebrows, eyelashes and hair on my body. I cried, then realized I would save lots of money on mascara, shampoo and razors.

The chemotherapy made me tired, gave me neuropathy and chemo brain, amongst other lingering side effects. But I got to know my oncology nurses, they became family. During treatments I got to know other cancer fighters and learned that I inspired many.

I had surgery to remove my small cantaloupe sized tumor, my doctor used the Da Vinci Robot. I have scars that look like a fought a pitch fork. Small cancer cells that weren't removed, spread and I learned new words, Peritoneal Carcinomatosis. I cried, but continued treatment.

I had CT scans every 3 months and on June 21, 2019 I was declared NED, No Evidence of Disease. The word remission is no longer used. I finished my 22 rounds of chemotherapy. My hair grew back, more silver and really, really curly. I slowly got my energy back. Life went on, with continued CT scans every 3 months.

In late summer of 2020 I felt off, something wasn't right. I knew it was back. I was checked out by my cardiologist and regular doctor, they found nothing. But at my September CT scan, a mass showed up in my liver and I had 2 nodules on my lungs. I had a MRI and a CT guided needle biopsy. My oncology nurse called me and told me it was cancer. Metastatic ovarian cancer spread to the liver. I cried, but was relieved in a way, I knew it was back and I wasn't going nuts.

I started treatment again, said goodbye to my hair, again. I renewed my membership to the infusion center and got caught up with my oncology nurses. A pharmacy mix up showed me that morning after chemo meds when missed make me really sick.

My March CT scan showed that once again the cancer was gone. No evidence of metastatic disease in the chest, abdomen or pelvic region. I cried tears of joy again. I was placed on a daily chemotherapy regimen. Zejula, another new word and more side effects to be aware of.

It's now mid-April and my hair is growing back. I had to shave my legs, first time in 6 months and yes, I nicked myself. I put away most of my wigs. I got the shampoo bottle back out. My eyelashes haven't started to grow yet, but I have gotten pretty good with fake lashes.

I know now that I will be living this life, chemo, CT scans, lab work, as cancer for me is more of a chronic disease. I take it one day at a time.

Throughout this journey or battle I have learned that relying on family and friends is very important. I have learned patience, patience to wait for tests and results and but I have also lost patience for piddly s**t. I no longer have time for things that don't interest me or that are not really important.

Every day I thank God for all the blessings and lessons in my life. I thank him for making me a role model for others, showing others that you can live a full life with an awful disease. I look outside, it is raining now, on my day off, but we need the moisture, so it is a positive.

I will continue to fight, to inspire and to live.